Hey everyone……………today we have Invited a very
special friend of ours to Guest Blog for us. Everyone Introducing “Shweta Mehta
Thakur”. Shweta is an MBA and has 6 years of work experience in the Retail
industry. She has worked with some of the most prestigious National and
International luxury fashion brands. Presently she has chosen to be a home
maker. She is a mother to a very beautiful 1-year-old baby boy Goku .
Today we have Invited her to talk about her experience as a
modern woman in today’s Patriarchal Society. Shweta is somebody whom I really
admire. She is fierce, Independent, opinionated, bold and at times brutally
honest. She has a mind of her own. She stands up for herself. She doesn’t take
s**t from anyone. You don’t mess with Shweta!!! Lol!!! So go ahead …………….read the blog and give us
your feedback. And Thank you Shweta for being so brave and sharing your
experience with “ “Rebellious Grahinis”. We really appreciate it.
Shweta-You are most welcome girls. Well……. after
marriage specially in a country like India there is a lot of pressure to
conceive a baby…………..that also just after one month of your marriage!!!!! Your
Mother In Law keeps looking into your eyes just to hear one sentence ………… “
Mummy ji tabiyat kharab hain shayad main pregnant hoon”.Lucky are those who
conceive easily and effortlessy. But what if you are not able conceive even
after having been married for 8 years. The same people who chose you to be their
bahu and were elated once upon a time and thanked their lucky stars that their
son married a beautiful, educated and financially Independent woman. But how
scenario changes …………the same people now start having doubts about you and now
you are no longer a suitable bahu and a good wife for their darling son and
their family!!!
I have gone through this hell too……………….I was working then
.I conceived within first year of my marriage. Everybody was very excited and
so happy for us. Everything was lovely and beautiful. There was magic in the
air. Everything was perfect!!! But one day all hell broke loose…………suddenly I
was the black sheep of the family .And the reason…………………I Miscarried. I was all
alone in the hospital with only my
husband and my mother. My In-laws did not even bother to call me; leave alone
come visit me!!!!! Infact they blamed me that I was responsible for this
miscarriage because for me my career was more Important and I should have
immediately left my job the moment I conceived. I was going through hell ………….I
had just lost a baby …………..I was in pain and Instead of showing love and
compassion towards me I was held responsible. I was stunned to the core and so
hurt from Inside that how can people be so heartless. Sadness engulfed my
heart. I was like a zombie. I just couldn’t believe what had just happened and
how people were reacting to it. I didn’t say a word then. I was advised by my
husband then that I should not respond to this provocation………………….. and Infact be
good and nice to maintain the status of peace in the family. And I was also
trying to be the “Quintessential” good Daughter-In-Law!!!!
And so the pressure to conceive continued…………………. to
maintain peace in the family I left my job and followed my husband to another
city where he had just got posted. As luck would have I was pregnant again. But
during this time I lost my mother……………………I was really depressed, sad, grief
stricken. I was completely lost. So my husband advised me that I should go to
my In-laws place as they will really
take good care of me at this very Important time in my life .He said
that I should go as no proper medical facilities were available in the God
forsaken place. I said no that I don’t want to go and like a typical Indian
husband he told me that if this time something unfavourable happened then he will blame me for it. I just couldn’t
believe what I had just heard. This line haunted me to no end. I cried my eyes out………………I felt so alone and I
had no one with whom I could share these feelings as the only one person who
understood my pain;my mother was no
longer in my life. I felt helpless and powerless. So again to not rock the boat
of peace and calm in the family and be a good and obedient wife……………I decide to
go to my In-laws place. Intially everything was good………they were very happy
that I have come to them. But one day she asked me what do you prefer a boy or
a girl.I said I love girls and I am looking forward to bring a baby girl to
life. She just looked at me and was very very annoyed with my answer. And guess
what the very next day from her guruji she got some hocus-pocus medicine and
Insisted that I should ingest it. I firmly said no but everyone insisted that I
should I have it in order to conceive a baby boy. I immediately called up my husband
and asked him how on earth can a
medicine change the sex of the baby!!!!But his beliefs were very strong.
Obviously he was nurtured and nourished in that environment right from the
child hood…………..so you can’t expect someone to give up their outdated belief
system overnight.
I wanted to scream,shout,yell, hurl abuses but did none of it……………………..I cried the whole
night and prayed to God Almighty that one day my husband’s thinking would
change. Anyways to cut the long story short I ingested the medicine. I don’t know
what happened but within few days of taking that medicine I miscarried again.I
was really angry and told everyone that this was because of the bullshit medicine.But
again my Mother-In-Law blamed me that I don’t have faith in their Guruji ……………I
don’t go to temples……………I don’t chant mantras……..and moreover I don’t even know
how to climb stairs. And that was the moment I lost it and gave it back . My
husband was sitting right there and I told him straight away that enough is
enough .I AM not going to take this crap anymore.I AM done!!! You don’t like me
……………….I AM walking out of your life right this minute. I became fearless. Damn
with it all. I have suffered enough!!! I refuse to accept bullshit anymore. My
In-laws were happy that I was willing to let go of my husband.
But seeing my fearlessness something within my husband
changed……….he took my hands in his and told me to live the way I wanted to
live. No more pretending to be good. No more self-sacrificing. Because his
parents were never going to be happy no matter what I do. And he straight away
told his parents that he will not accept it if they blamed me anymore.He told
his parents that they have lived their life the way they chose to and now lets us live our own.
So many things changed that day…………………….I got my freedom. Freedom
to breathe. Freedom to be myself. Freedom to live the way I wanted to live. My
husband understood that I now no longer feared that my marriage will fail if I didn’t
live according to their rules and regulations. I realised that if you don’t
stand up for yourself then no one will. If you don’t respect yourself then no
one will.I am no longer into people pleasing. I have a a very cordial relationship
with my In-laws today. I realised that they are bound by their belief systems
and they were functioning accordingly. So I have forgiven them. I AM a much
happy person today. I don’t endorse self-sacrifice because it solves nothing.
It has always been my desire to live in peace and harmony but not at the cost
of my self-respect.
 |
| Shweta Mehta Thakur |
No comments:
Post a Comment