Hey everyone……………today we have Invited a very special friend of ours to Guest Blog for us. Everyone Introducing “Shweta Mehta Thakur”. Shweta is an MBA and has 6 years of work experience in the Retail industry. She has worked with some of the most prestigious National and International luxury fashion brands. Presently she has chosen to be a home maker. She is a mother to a very beautiful 1-year-old baby boy Goku .
Today we have Invited her to talk about her experience as a modern woman in today’s Patriarchal Society. Shweta is somebody whom I really admire. She is fierce, Independent, opinionated, bold and at times brutally honest. She has a mind of her own. She stands up for herself. She doesn’t take s**t from anyone. You don’t mess with Shweta!!! Lol!!! So go ahead …………….read the blog and give us your feedback. And Thank you Shweta for being so brave and sharing your experience with “ “Rebellious Grahinis”. We really appreciate it.
Shweta-You are most welcome girls. Well……. after marriage specially in a country like India there is a lot of pressure to conceive a baby…………..that also just after one month of your marriage!!!!! Your Mother In Law keeps looking into your eyes just to hear one sentence ………… “ Mummy ji tabiyat kharab hain shayad main pregnant hoon”.Lucky are those who conceive easily and effortlessy. But what if you are not able conceive even after having been married for 8 years. The same people who chose you to be their bahu and were elated once upon a time and thanked their lucky stars that their son married a beautiful, educated and financially Independent woman. But how scenario changes …………the same people now start having doubts about you and now you are no longer a suitable bahu and a good wife for their darling son and their family!!!
I have gone through this hell too……………….I was working then .I conceived within first year of my marriage. Everybody was very excited and so happy for us. Everything was lovely and beautiful. There was magic in the air. Everything was perfect!!! But one day all hell broke loose…………suddenly I was the black sheep of the family .And the reason…………………I Miscarried. I was all alone in the hospital with only my husband and my mother. My In-laws did not even bother to call me; leave alone come visit me!!!!! Infact they blamed me that I was responsible for this miscarriage because for me my career was more Important and I should have immediately left my job the moment I conceived. I was going through hell ………….I had just lost a baby …………..I was in pain and Instead of showing love and compassion towards me I was held responsible. I was stunned to the core and so hurt from Inside that how can people be so heartless. Sadness engulfed my heart. I was like a zombie. I just couldn’t believe what had just happened and how people were reacting to it. I didn’t say a word then. I was advised by my husband then that I should not respond to this provocation………………….. and Infact be good and nice to maintain the status of peace in the family. And I was also trying to be the “Quintessential” good Daughter-In-Law!!!!
And so the pressure to conceive continued…………………. to maintain peace in the family I left my job and followed my husband to another city where he had just got posted. As luck would have I was pregnant again. But during this time I lost my mother……………………I was really depressed, sad, grief stricken. I was completely lost. So my husband advised me that I should go to my In-laws place as they will really take good care of me at this very Important time in my life .He said that I should go as no proper medical facilities were available in the God forsaken place. I said no that I don’t want to go and like a typical Indian husband he told me that if this time something unfavourable happened then he will blame me for it. I just couldn’t believe what I had just heard. This line haunted me to no end. I cried my eyes out………………I felt so alone and I had no one with whom I could share these feelings as the only one person who understood my pain;my mother was no longer in my life. I felt helpless and powerless. So again to not rock the boat of peace and calm in the family and be a good and obedient wife……………I decide to go to my In-laws place. Intially everything was good………they were very happy that I have come to them. But one day she asked me what do you prefer a boy or a girl.I said I love girls and I am looking forward to bring a baby girl to life. She just looked at me and was very very annoyed with my answer. And guess what the very next day from her guruji she got some hocus-pocus medicine and Insisted that I should ingest it. I firmly said no but everyone insisted that I should I have it in order to conceive a baby boy. I immediately called up my husband and asked him how on earth can a medicine change the sex of the baby!!!!But his beliefs were very strong. Obviously he was nurtured and nourished in that environment right from the child hood…………..so you can’t expect someone to give up their outdated belief system overnight.
I wanted to scream,shout,yell, hurl abuses but did none of it……………………..I cried the whole night and prayed to God Almighty that one day my husband’s thinking would change. Anyways to cut the long story short I ingested the medicine. I don’t know what happened but within few days of taking that medicine I miscarried again.I was really angry and told everyone that this was because of the bullshit medicine.But again my Mother-In-Law blamed me that I don’t have faith in their Guruji ……………I don’t go to temples……………I don’t chant mantras……..and moreover I don’t even know how to climb stairs. And that was the moment I lost it and gave it back . My husband was sitting right there and I told him straight away that enough is enough .I AM not going to take this crap anymore.I AM done!!! You don’t like me ……………….I AM walking out of your life right this minute. I became fearless. Damn with it all. I have suffered enough!!! I refuse to accept bullshit anymore. My In-laws were happy that I was willing to let go of my husband.
But seeing my fearlessness something within my husband changed……….he took my hands in his and told me to live the way I wanted to live. No more pretending to be good. No more self-sacrificing. Because his parents were never going to be happy no matter what I do. And he straight away told his parents that he will not accept it if they blamed me anymore.He told his parents that they have lived their life the way they chose to and now lets us live our own.
So many things changed that day…………………….I got my freedom. Freedom to breathe. Freedom to be myself. Freedom to live the way I wanted to live. My husband understood that I now no longer feared that my marriage will fail if I didn’t live according to their rules and regulations. I realised that if you don’t stand up for yourself then no one will. If you don’t respect yourself then no one will.I am no longer into people pleasing. I have a a very cordial relationship with my In-laws today. I realised that they are bound by their belief systems and they were functioning accordingly. So I have forgiven them. I AM a much happy person today. I don’t endorse self-sacrifice because it solves nothing. It has always been my desire to live in peace and harmony but not at the cost of my self-respect.
|Shweta Mehta Thakur|